"Daycare Drop-Off and the Heartbreak of Goodbye: Navigating the Transition with an OT Mum Heart"
“See You Soon, Not Goodbye: The Big Feelings of Little Drop-Offs”
By Amy Oman, OT and Mum
We recently began the process of starting daycare with my almost eleven-month-old daughter.
We’d prepared, visited, talked about it. But on that first drop-off, she couldn’t settle.
The educators called me to come back — and of course, I did.
That night she was unsettled. She cried at a goodbye song. She clung to me like her heart needed recharging.
And mine?
Mine broke a little.
Even though I knew she was safe.
Even though the educators were kind, responsive, and gentle.
Even though I’m an OT who’s supported hundreds of children and families through similar transitions.
And I cried too.
🧠 My OT Brain Swirled With Conflicting Thoughts
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“She’ll adjust — consistency helps.”
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“This is building resilience.”
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“But is it too soon?”
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“Am I disrupting her secure attachment?”
And then, quietly beneath it all:
“Do I have to do this right now?”
🌿 Sitting in Gratitude for the Choice
The honest answer? No. I don’t have to.
And that’s a privilege I don’t take lightly.
I’m in a position — thanks to a supportive husband, thoughtful planning, and some fortunate timing — where I can stay home a little longer.
And while it doesn’t mean every day is slow or easy or peaceful…
It means I have a choice.
To pause.
To hold her through this season.
To return to work gently, not urgently.
And that is something I feel incredibly grateful for.
📰 Then The Headlines Hit
And right now, there’s no ignoring them.
Stories of daycare abuse have shaken Australia.
It’s gut-wrenching.
It’s terrifying.
My heart aches for the families and educators affected by such devastating crimes.
It’s also made many of us — even those who once felt certain — pause.
Reconsider.
Worry.
So whether you're feeling called to pull back or push forward — it’s okay.
Your nervous system is trying to protect your child. That’s biology, not weakness.
💛 A Word on the Incredible Educators
I also want to pause here and say — most educators are amazing.
The ones in our life have been nothing but gentle, attuned, and child-led.
They sing songs, offer cuddles, and build safety with intention.
It’s important not to let fear erase the beautiful care that exists in so many early learning spaces.
🧺 For Parents Who Need to Send Their Child
This post isn’t to say don’t do daycare.
It’s to say — I see you. And I know the decision isn’t always a choice.
💼 You might need to return to work.
🧠 You might crave your identity outside of parenting.
💸 You might not have the option of staying home.
👫 You might have a child who thrives in a busy, social setting.
All of those are valid. All of those matter.
And your love is not measured by whether you stay or go.
🫶 For Parents Who Can and Want to Stay Home
It’s okay to lean in.
To relish the rhythm of long mornings, slow walks, and being the safe base for now.
It doesn’t mean you’re not contributing. It doesn’t mean you’re stepping back.
It means you’re tuning in — to your child and to yourself.
And that’s powerful.
What Does the Research Say?
Let’s explore what we know:
✅ Is there an ideal age to start daycare?
There’s no universally “perfect” age, but research suggests that secure attachment is supported when babies under 12 months experience sensitive, responsive, consistent care — whether that’s with a parent, grandparent, or a familiar educator. Transitions can be harder at this stage, as object permanence is still developing. That doesn’t mean it’s harmful — just that extra transition time and responsiveness are key.
✅ What about maternal wellbeing and purpose?
Finding your identity after becoming a parent is a powerful need. Some mothers thrive returning to work, others in staying home — and both choices are valid. Studies support that when parents feel purposeful and supported, children benefit too.
✅ What if daycare is a financial or emotional necessity?
Many families don’t have a choice. What matters most isn’t whether children attend daycare — it’s the quality of the care and the attunement of their caregivers, including at home. Children are incredibly adaptive when their emotional needs are met consistently across environments.
✅ Can kids thrive in both settings?
Absolutely. Kids thrive with loving, responsive caregivers — whether that’s at home or in early learning settings aligned with the Early Years Learning Framework, which supports social, emotional, and cognitive development through play and relationships.
Tips to Support Daycare Transitions- Now or Later
No matter what path you're on, here are a few gentle strategies to support both you and your child:
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Build familiarity: Show your child photos of their educators or classroom.
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Sing shared songs: Use songs that are sung at the centre at home to build connection.
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Never sneak out: Always say goodbye, even if it’s hard — it builds trust.
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Practice short separations: Say “bye” during everyday moments (e.g., leaving the room) to help them learn that you always return.
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Transition gradually: Short sessions with a slow build-up can reduce overwhelm.
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Offer a comfort item: A familiar object from home can support emotional regulation.
There’s no rush. No race. No right timeline. Just what works for your family
💬 Final Thought
Whether you’re easing into care, pulling back, or sitting somewhere in between — you’re doing something brave.
This is a moment where your intuition matters.
It’s okay to feel all the things: gratitude, guilt, grief, relief.
It’s okay to change your mind.
It’s okay to go slow.
There is no “right” answer — just the right decision for you, your child, and your family.
Whether that means cuddling your baby at home or waving from the daycare gate — you are enough.
You are not selfish. You are conscious. You’re showing up with your whole heart.
And your child?
They are deeply, beautifully loved.
📚 References
1. Attachment and Childcare Quality
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (2004). Young children develop in an environment of relationships.
→ This foundational paper discusses the importance of responsive, consistent caregiving in early childhood. It supports that secure attachments can be formed with multiple caregivers — including high-quality educators.
📌 Link to full paper
2. Early Childhood Education and Outcomes
Melhuish, E. (2015). Early childhood education and care (ECEC) and its long-term effects on child development.
→ This review finds that quality of care matters far more than timing. High-quality daycare supports cognitive and social-emotional outcomes.
📌 DOI: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2015.01.002
3. Benefits of High-Quality Childcare
Australian Early Development Census (AEDC, 2021).
→ Reports on how early childhood settings aligned with the Early Years Learning Framework positively influence developmental domains, especially social competence and emotional maturity.
📌 www.aedc.gov.au
4. Parental Mental Health and Child Development
Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University. How early experiences get into the body: A biodevelopmental framework.
→ Emphasises that when parents feel supported and purposeful (whether working or staying home), it positively affects a child’s development.
📌 https://developingchild.harvard.edu
5. Transition to Childcare
Harrison, L. J., et al. (2009). Child care and early education in Australia: The longitudinal study of Australian children.
→ Australian research shows transitions to care are smoother with gradual entry, secure educator-child relationships, and preparation at home.
📌 Australian Institute of Family Studies – LSAC